Would you mind saying that directly into my Smart Phone? I want to make sure I get a good picture of you to show the cops who are all taking their lunch breaks at this exact minute. I’m the only Clansperson who isn’t wearing a cheap stocking mask so I guess I’m in charge. The FOOT CLAN are holding hostages in the subway so MEGAN willingly decides to make herself ONE OF THOSE HOSTAGES because she possesses the survival instincts of a GOLDFISH. Now get out of my face.ĭamn! I need to get some proof! But what are the odds I’ll happen upon another Foot Clan attack within the next 5 seconds? I mean that would be stupidly conveni There’s a reason we don’t give you important stories, Megan. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my damn life. Let’s run this through editorial and get it on the five o’clock news.įuck no. Whoopi! There’s a gang of deformed monsters fighting The Foot Clan! MEGAN meets with her sassy boss, WHOOPI GOLDBERG. THE DAILY PLANET BUGLE GLOBE SENTINEL NEWSPAPER I had better go tell my roommate about this! But not the police, because fuck those assholes. MEGAN witnesses THE FOOT CLAN trying to STEAL SHIT and getting their asses kicked by obviously NON-HUMAN MONSTER CREATURES. Now I hear The Foot Clan is going to attack the docks so I had better show up there alone and without any video recording devices aside from my phone which has a telephoto lens and 100x optical zoom. I made a kick-ass audition tape and got the part based solely on my talent as an amazing actress. How did you even get this role in the first place? Besides, I thought you and Michael Bay had a falling out after you compared him to a mass murdering dictator.
_poster.jpg "teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014 budget")
#TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES 2014 BUDGET TV#
It must be tough being a beautiful young woman living comfortably in one of the most vibrant cities in the world and getting paid to be on TV once or twice a week. NEW YORK (BECAUSE FUCK EVERY OTHER AMERICAN CITY EVER, NEW YORK IS WHERE IT’S ALWAYS GOING TO BE AT)ĪPRIL O’NEAL is the smart, resourceful, yellow-wearing reporter of legend who is being played by MEGAN FOXAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAH OKAY GUYS LET’S GIVE HER A CHANCE.ĭang it, I’m so frustrated because my employers don’t take me seriously and only see me as a pretty face so they put me in lame TMZ-style fluff pieces. New York is being terrorized by The Foot Clan, so named because they “step over people”, which should technically make them The Step Clan, but it doesn’t because we’re kind of big on making a story about talking ninja animals even more ridiculous than it needs to be.ĮXT. LOOK, THIS WAS REAL CUTTING EDGE SHIT BACK IN THE LATE 80s, ALRIGHT? Just GO WITH IT. The origin of the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES is explained via shitty MS PAINT ANIMATION by the turtle’s sensei SPLINTER, who is a GIANT RAT.
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